im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
