oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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