his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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