so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
