oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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