I can tuck mytits in my pants
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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