I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
