I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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