my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish you could order shots online.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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