The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
