Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
