now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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