you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FUCK WHALES
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
