she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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