Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize