every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
