Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
