chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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