My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
