I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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