Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
