You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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