she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
