Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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