i will never coherently bang her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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