You work out of a Hotel?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
