I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
