fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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