This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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