I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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