I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
