i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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