I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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