I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
