wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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