Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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