I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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