Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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