Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
