tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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