So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
