sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
