Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
