Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
