just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
