I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize