I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
