Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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