Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
