this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
