don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
