my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
