She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
