Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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