i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
