ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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