It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
