i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize