every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
