This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I could make wine with my vomit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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