You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
