I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize