Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
