you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
