Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
