So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They have beer where we have blood.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
