You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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