i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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