Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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