Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
