You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
