after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
