I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
