Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I felt like helen keller

(810): View more from Michigan

But she could have totally found that shit before me

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(732): View more from New Jersey

my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.

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(850): View more from Florida

So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.

(850): View more from Florida

I guess we all know what he was cookin.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

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(408): View more from California

I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.

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(914): View more from New York

i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture

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